Tired of being single?

We are taught at a very early age that being part of a couple is happy and good; being single is lonely and bad. Even as children, we knew Jack had Jill, Mickey had Minnie — even Bert and Ernie were blissfully happy.

So it’s only natural that as a single gay male in my early 40s, I often struggle with my single status. I haven’t always been single, but I’ve been alone for quite a while now. The last time I was in a serious relationship, Bill and Hillary were just getting comfy in the White House

I spend a lot of time thinking about why I am single and what I can be doing differently or better to improve my love life. Sure I can lose a few pounds (30 would be nice), maybe fix my teeth or learn how to cook. But as my dear friends remind me, I am funny, loyal, caring, smart, and I know a good take-out menu when I see it. They all think I am a good catch.

An inward gaze
Sometimes I think the hardest part of being single is really examining your life and objectively seeing what you need to improve. In my instance for example, I let my professional life take over my entire life. It was very hard to maintain any type of social life when I was working 12+ hours a day or spending a considerable amount of time out of town.

I also realized that I spend a lot of time with my great group of friends. Now this doesn’t sound like a bad thing on the surface, but most of my friends are coupled. So I attended my share of dinners for three, five, seven… you get the idea. I had a blast, but I wasn’t putting myself in social situations where I was meeting any new single guys.

Enough is enough
Then I finally reached a point where I needed to take some action. Maybe I was finally ready. I left my job and started my own business. While I still work hard, I am much more in control of my social calendar. And I am putting myself in situations where I can meet new, single people. I recently put my free member profile on Match.com and have been very pleasantly surprised with the great responses I’ve received. I have had more dates in the last two weeks than I’ve had in the last two years.

Now everyone’s situation is different. But when you examine your single status, look beyond the surface reasons like looks and age, and examine how you’re living life. Are you putting yourself in healthy situations where you can truly shine? Chances are that making meaningful changes are going to be more powerful than any diet or cooking class.