Coping with dating compulsions.

We’ve all had to suffer through a date or two with someone who possessed an annoying nervous habit.

One date told me he rambled when he got nervous, and that was an understatement. After a night of listening to him take every conversational topic way past the point of interesting, I was trying hard to stifle my yawns. He wasn’t a bad guy, but I was on the fence about him. His propensity to talk too much was sending me over the edge. I went out with him one more time to see if his nerves subsided, but alas.

Ash, 45, had the misfortune to fall for a shaker — a leg-bouncer, not the religious order.

“She bounced her leg constantly,” he laughs. “I literally felt the earth move whenever we were together — and not in the good way! I really dug her, so I figured out a way to cope. Now whenever she starts bouncing, I just gently place my hand on her leg and she stops, at least for a while.”

What’s behind the behavior?
The most common habits are foot tapping or shaking, talking too much, nail biting, picking at nails, fidgeting, chewing and biting lips, cracking knuckles, grinding teeth, playing with hair, giggling and sighing. Most are developed when we’re in school and often continue into adulthood, triggered by stimuli we learned to recognize as children. For other people, these habits are outlets for pent-up energy.

If they’re not destructive, most doctors say you shouldn’t be too concerned. If you’re hurting yourself (biting your lips to the point of drawing blood) or if it’s interfering with your life, however, you may want to change your behavior. Some people can do it on their own by changing the scenery, asking friends to remind them when they begin the activity or simply relaxing. Others may require professional help, particularly if the habit is more of a compulsion than a response to stress.

Coping with the compulsion
If your date has a nervous habit, try not to be too judgmental. Go on a second date (preferably in a different setting) to give the person another chance. Do your part to keep the situation light and your date at ease.

Should your date bring up the habit in conversation, ask what you can do to help mitigate it. If you really dig this person, the effort might just be worth it. On the other hand, it could be a deal-breaker.